• A.D.S. Ferreira

Worse than death?

There is a moment in life that is worse than death. Believe me, there is.What can possibly be worse than death you ask? 

Heart break... 

Heartbreak can be worse than death.

The feeling as if your heart continuously bleeds without taking your final breath. You chest closing in, as if you're drowning with no escape. Even your dreams aren't a safe place, as your dreams become the memories of when you felt true happiness with that one person. The one whom controls your emotions, desires, and impulse choices. The one whom has the power over you with just their eyes, flirtatious smirk, and how they say your name. 

I can turn on every light there is in this world, and yet, I'm still living in darkness. I just lay here, stiff, as if the coldness from my broken heart, has paralyzed me.  Thinking, thinking some more, and alas, more thinking.

Non-stop thinking of the millions, if not trillions, of what ifs, hows, and whys, they left me. The reasons that didn't help them stay. Non-stop thoughts engulfing my mind, as tears roll down the side of my face. My tears being the only part of my ice cold paralyzed body melting.Drip, drip, drip onto my pillow.  Always just laying there, and for a miraculous moment, I gather up all my strength to sit up. What people around me soon realize, is that I only sat up to look at a photo of my person. The one who left with my heart, but how can I feel heart broken, when I have no heart?  Drop by drop, my sorrows meet the screen of my phone, as I look at a photo of us both happy and content with the life we had. 

With time, I'll use every ounce of strength I can gather to seem "put together." To seem ... as if I can move on. Until you come back, and walk away again, leaving me once more gasping for air. Time and time again, I look at the same photo, staring into their handsome eyes and alluring lips. I often wonder, what could I have done or said to avoid this. To avoid the feeling, that my soul has taken it's last breath, but my body still lives on. They left without a goodbye, and without a reason as to why. I was no longer wanted, lusted, or loved by you. My world is crumbling down around me. I lost my best friend, my lover, my soulmate.  Even though I know there was nothing at all I could have done differently, I still blame myself for what causes the emptiness I feel inside of me. The deep dejection that has washed over my lifeless soul, like the ocean waves on a windy night. 

Continuously, I can only seem to play over and over that final moment we had right before you left. Repeatedly, I play that one song, our song... or so I thought. 

Often, I wipe the tears that have fallen and blurred my phone, just so I can see what I've lost.  I lost my loving future, my dreams, my life, my love.

I lost... you. 

#Love #Lost #Heart #HeartBreak #HeartBreaking #Sad #Sadness #Writer #Writing #Blogger #Blogging #Blog

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